Why Aging Mistakes Are Worth Examining
Most of us grow up watching our parents age. We notice their habits, their blind spots, and their resistance to change. For many, those observations quietly become a personal checklist — a quiet promise to do things differently. But what happens when we reach the age our parents were when we first started judging them?
Columnist Steven Petrow asked himself exactly that question. His answer is both honest and instructive. Nearly two decades after starting a personal list of aging pitfalls to avoid, he finds himself staring down the same tendencies he once criticized. His story offers a practical framework for anyone serious about aging with awareness and intention.
The List That Became a Life Mission
From Private Notes to Public Accountability
Shortly after his 50th birthday, Petrow began keeping what he called a list of “stupid things” people do as they grow older. His primary inspiration? His parents. Watching them resist change, cling to stubbornness, and gradually limit their world motivated him to think differently about his own future.
Year after year, the list grew. It eventually exceeded 100 items, covering both the trivial and the deeply meaningful. Some entries were lighthearted — such as a promise not to dye his hair. Others carried real weight. These included pledges like:
- Not limiting friendships to people his own age
- Not continuing to drive when he became a danger to others
- Not denying the need for hearing aids
- Not worrying endlessly about things beyond his control
In 2017, Petrow went public with his list in an essay. That piece later grew into a full book titled Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old, which resonated with readers across generations — both boomers recognizing their own habits and younger adults trying to learn from them.
When the Mirror Turns Around
Facing the Age You Once Observed
Then came a startling realization. As Petrow approached 70, he recognized that he was now roughly the same age his parents had been when he first started keeping score. The observer had become the subject.
On the positive side, he had followed through on several commitments. He secured a spot on the waiting list for a continuing care retirement community — a practical step many people delay until it is too late. He also had his hearing tested, one of the most commonly neglected aspects of aging health.
He also worked to avoid what he calls the “organ recital.” This is the conversational spiral that starts with a sympathetic mention of a friend’s minor surgery and gradually turns every discussion into a catalogue of ailments — sciatica, angina, cataracts, new hips and knees. Many of his peers, he notes, found this pattern easy to fall into and difficult to escape.
The Honest Truth About Lying About Your Age
When Principles Meet Practice
Here is where Petrow’s account becomes especially candid. One of his firmest pledges was to stop lying about his age. He had spoken about this publicly many times, arguing that falsifying one’s age reinforces internalized ageism and quietly erodes personal well-being.
Yet when an interviewer asked him directly how old he was — on the occasion of his 65th birthday — he hesitated. He did not want to acknowledge publicly that he had reached his “Medicare birthday.”
Moreover, he later admitted he had been adjusting his birth year on dating apps as he approached 65. On one platform he listed himself as 61. On another, he appeared as 63. The man who had written extensively about the cost of age dishonesty was, in practice, doing precisely what he had preached against.
This admission is not a failure — it is a lesson. Aging with integrity is harder than theorizing about it. Awareness of our blind spots is the first and most essential step.
Practical Steps to Age Without Regret
Accountability Is a Strategy, Not a Virtue
Based on both Petrow’s experience and advice from aging experts, several actionable strategies emerge for anyone who wants to grow older with purpose and clarity.
1. Find an accountability partner. Author Chip Conley, who wrote Learning to Love Midlife, recommends identifying someone who can help you stay honest with yourself. This person is not there to judge — they are there to gently note when you are drifting from your own values, whether that means lying about your age or refusing to acknowledge a health issue.
2. Make your commitments public. Petrow found that writing about his pledges created external pressure that private promises could not. Sharing intentions — even informally — raises the stakes for following through.
3. Resist the pull of denial, but respect its limits. Petrow’s neighbor, 85 years old, still climbs onto his roof to clean gutters, despite warnings from family and friends. Stubborn denial of aging can sometimes protect a person’s confidence and sense of independence. However, it becomes dangerous when it leads to real physical risk. The goal is honest realism, not pessimism.
4. Take the practical steps early. Waiting lists for quality retirement and care communities can be long. Hearing tests, legal documents, and financial planning are all easier to manage before they become urgent. Acting early is not giving in to aging — it is aging wisely.
5. Broaden your social circle deliberately. One of the most quietly harmful things people do as they age is restrict their friendships to peers of the same generation. Diverse relationships bring energy, perspective, and resilience that homogeneous social circles cannot offer.
Key Takeaways for Aging With Intention
The Work Is Ongoing
Petrow’s column is not a tidy success story. It is an honest account of someone who thought carefully about aging — and still finds himself struggling with the same patterns he wanted to avoid. That honesty is exactly what makes it useful.
Aging well does not require perfection. It requires self-awareness, a willingness to catch yourself when you fall short, and the humility to start again. The mistakes our parents made were not failures of character — they were human responses to a difficult transition. The same will likely be true for us.
The real work is not in making the list. It is in living by it, revising it honestly, and extending patience to yourself when you cannot.
